Whammy of the Month - January

Football Whammy

So we’re in the middle of a silly season and yet there hasn’t been any sign of any multi-million pound attempts of luring player’s left, right and centre. Unless you believe those rumours of a North Eastern club putting in a £35 million pound bid in for Emile Heskey as one useless striker just isn’t enough. Talks of Modric moving to Chelsea have cooled off, news seems quiet about the Man United midfield now Scholes has come back into the fray having fixed the DeLorean and there is nothing in the rumour mill about Messi, Ronaldo or Kaka being sighted at the gates of Ewood Park…yet.

Of course, some small deals have been done nationwide, Cahill has finally completed his move to Chelsea and Anelka has jetted off to the Football Capital that is China to apply his trade as a target man. Not the most difficult job considering the Chinese aren’t particularly renowned for their height…or jumping ability…or football skill. Wait, why has he gone there?

But something is afoot. Somewhere in the dark recesses of the Man City reserve team, a solitary figure is lurking. At first glance, you may think you are back in the early days of civilization as a silhouette rambles about, dragging his knuckles across the floor. But on closer examination, eyes focus and realisation hits; it’s the person we all love to hate – Carlos ‘I’m too sexy for my shirt’ Tevez.

Tevez - Raa ra ru...garl

Long has it been since Tevez was allowed out of the darkness and on to the fields of green, to run free amongst his own kind under the bright spotlights of the Etihad Stadium (or any stadium for that matter). During his darkest days under the Mancini regime, he has been linked with this club and that club, but few stories contain any truth. At the moment, it seems like there’s a tug of war happening between PSG and Inter Milan, with AC Milan dropping off because of Pato’s inability for making up his mind. Where Tevez will eventually end up is beyond anyone at this point, his preferred choice being Argentina but he’ll settle for the just a bus stop away…Milan. #getthiskidaglobe

Cricket Whammy

In other news, England are back to their best (or rather, worst) after crashing to a 10 wicket loss against Pakistan. For a team that are supposed to be first in the world in test cricket, the performance has been completely dire. What happened to the Strauss-Cook partnership that stunned the Aussies? What happened to England’s Mr Dependable? And where on earth has the KP of yester-year gone? All these questions have been left unanswered after this first test, as the only players who seem to have turned up are Swann, Prior and Jimmy. England are running the risk of being caught with their pants around their ankles whilst the Pakistan team take turns in beating them with cricket bats.

Pakistan – this is a team supposedly missing some good players from the betting scandal last year and to be completely honest it is a shadow of a team from the days of Inzimam Ul Haq. And yet England, who trounced the Aussies down under and beat both the Sri Lankans and the Indians on home soil can barely manage to scratch the surface of a team who are ranked 4 places below them… Time will tell if England can get out of this all to often “We can play amazing, we can play crap. Depends how we feel” attitude else we’ll have to borrow Scholesy’s DeLorean and bring back Flintoff. When he was good that one time.

Whammy.

EXCLUSIVE – The reason why the World will end in 2012…SOPA

Powerful you have become SOPA...The Dark
Side I sense in you...and your toupee

January 19^th 2012 will always be remembered as a dark day. One of the darkest in recent times and on par with the bubonic plague. But students of the Earth are now shaking off the 24-hour daze that was the time when…Wikipedia blacked out. Yes it hurts to read and luckily no students were harmed, apart from the ones trying to cram as much information in as possible from “other websites” that is somehow relevant to their exam they had the next day, which they didn’t revise for and instead wrote a blog entry about how SOPA will cause the end of the world…But I digress because Wikipedia was of course making a stand against SOPA and Lamar Smith (pictured exhibiting a ridiculous hat of somebody else’s hair).

Yes, this is the reason why you can tell your parents that you failed that thermodynamics exam. Because a man you’ve never heard of, working a job you didn’t know existed, wearing a toupee that doesn’t match his own hair, is effectively trying to push the big red self destruct button on the internet that will inevitably be the reason for the end of the world come December 21^st 2012.

Remember that time you wanted to find out about the Fresh Prince of Bel Air the other day? Not anymore. Ever thought about seeing how Lost ended? Slim chance. Or that time you wanted to read up on how jam was made? …Well if the legislation passes than that will be a thing of the past and we will have to go back to the days of knitting and ploughing the lawn for the corn season. Obviously it is understandable that piracy is wrong, this is an unbiased blog after all, and even if the in question perpetrator has a dead look in his eyes that suggests no one is buying his attempts to cover the unfortunate loss of hair, this is still something that the world does not need and should be confined to the basement of bad and potentially fatal ideas.

The longer you stare at the image of this man; you begin to build a rage that can only compare to that of Anakin Skywalker’s before he descended to the Dark Side. Maybe he just has a hateful face or maybe the colour of the toupee he sports is the equivalent of waving red at a bull. But the more you read into it, the more you think this Lamar Smith doesn’t really know what he is going on about, has never even used the internet and considers a risk to be using beef gravy granules with a chicken dinner. Why can we laugh at him? Because this man has multiple copyright violations against him…on his own website. Yes that’s right, this man is getting done by the thing that he is trying to push through. That’s like trying to run for PETA Presidency whilst sporting you’re brand new panda suit and baby seal slippers.

If there’s any justice in the world, if you don’t want the world to end in 2012 and still want be able to watch videos about cats falling over, then vote Pro Internet. The link basically explains everything they are trying to do in more realistic terms.

http://9gag.com/gag/1978518?ref=fb-share