The Internet was never designed for this! Or was it? Lets say no.

“I’m just a man, standing in front of a camera (connected to the internet and subsequent millions of potential viewers), with my balls out, asking him to love her…”  Notting Hill

Maybe that’s wrong. Haven’t seen it in awhile…

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, I, the humble narrator have recently embarked on a journey of discovery. A mislead and somewhat disturbing journey to the world of the Chatroulette.

Actual image of the first time I went
on Chatroulette #badparenting

Let me begin by explaining the concept of what was once an idea in the back of the mind of a lonely programming youngster. The idea was to get people connected through the medium of web camerature. You randomly get put with someone of equal boredom, doing the same thing as you, trying to fill that gap between birth and death, and voila! You are both meant to embark on a journey of self discovery coupled with satirical humour about life and its pleasantries. But all does not go according to plan. For some devilishly sly old rascal thought “I know what would make this experience better for everyone who randomly gets coupled with me! My old man balls! Times Man of the Year, here I come!” This then, fused with the pain of not being able to flash ones package in public anymore and thus, the Chatroulette of today was born.

And whilst it isn’t myself that stands in front of said webcam with said balls out, it appears to be every other person that pops up randomly after clicking next. Again and again. Ball after crinkly ball. And before long after clicking next 20 times and seeing another pair of past their heyday, wrinkly old man balls, you begin to ask yourself..."How has my life gone so tragically wrong that I sit, in my room of hopes and dreams, clicking on my computer to see people who feel the urge to get their very own Dr Johnson out for the humble public such as myself?" Its like unsuspectingly pulling into a famous dogging area of Yorkshire at night time and uncontrollably flashing your headlights in an almost sci-fi esque, brain controlled manner. You know its wrong, you know you’re going to see more Wang than a Chinese phone book, but deep down in your heart, we the humble viewers believe that somewhere, somehow, for some unexplained reason, the beer drinking, Call Of Duty playing, sex reliant, wonder woman of our dreams will pop up unexplainably and begin conversing with us about anything and everything. Telling tales of times gone by, leading to the ultimate relationship we’ve all been searching for. Our soul mate that makes all the bad stuff disappear and someone who would rub a cold Budweiser over our foreheads on a warm summers day of watching the money trees grow.

But ultimately you just end up with more old man balls…

Here are a selection of the delights of the heartwarming Chatroulette:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/the-24-best-chat-roulette-screenshots-nsfw